I need to VENT.... FUUUUUCKKKKKK why is my boss such a dick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He can be an awesome person, at times i think "wow he actually isnt that bad", but then its days like today where i want to literally pick up a chair and hit him with it. Have you ever met someone who shouts at you and actually physically counts to ten to calm himself down! Idiot. I almost cried, thank goodness i didnt i will never show him that he has gotten to me. If only you knew what i was thinking boss man. You lucky you bought me a muffin this morning and that i didnt spit in your coffee (theres alway tomorrow). Haha...
I just made myself smile, my boiling levels are coming down, im thinking of rainbows and butterflies....... rainbows and butterflies..... rainbows and butterflies... phew... That was close.... asshole... ok its done now..
I want to travel so badly. New York, Europe... Everywhere.. I wish i could just jump from island to island and work on one, then go to another work there and so on. Would be absolutely amazing. I just need to do it. I want to be able to tell my kids of my adventures, i want to make something of my life.. I dont want to be the same boring person forever :) ... When someone says to me what have you done with you life, i want to be like more than you mother effer... ok i wouldnt really say that but you know what i mean...
Well, thats my thoughts today... :) kbye....
Ash :)
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
mysterious
Have you ever met someone mysterious?
Its almost like wanting someone you cant have. They would be the type of person who leave you hanging on every last word they say right? Right!
That actual definition is: "wonder and inquisitiveness, an eluding explanation or comprehension". Its so true. What happens if this 'mysterious' person is not who you think they are cos you lead to believe who they are by how YOU think they are. If that makes sense.
I know one of these :) hehe. Still figuring him out though. Hes wonderful. A likable person. I mean he gets along well with everyone. He's funny. Generally one of the 'cool guys'. But the most powerful aspect is his mind. Such a stong minded person who can sum people up very quickly.
I like one of these. An interesting person to say the least. The only person to catch my attention in THREE YEARS. Why is it though that there will always be something stopping me from just wondering to actually finding out. Just my luck huh?
You've probably guessed that this is the same guy i wrote about in September. Clever clever :)
I would never tell him that it makes me smile to see him, or that i actually listen to what he has to say, or that its hard to not talk to him. I could never say that, and i probably wont cause thats just me. Unfortunately.
But like i said before, thats the wonderful thing about TIME, ill soon get over it and realise it was nothing... Time is the best sometimes...
Over and out... Im thinking to much today.. I know why! Dammit...
Its almost like wanting someone you cant have. They would be the type of person who leave you hanging on every last word they say right? Right!
That actual definition is: "wonder and inquisitiveness, an eluding explanation or comprehension". Its so true. What happens if this 'mysterious' person is not who you think they are cos you lead to believe who they are by how YOU think they are. If that makes sense.
I know one of these :) hehe. Still figuring him out though. Hes wonderful. A likable person. I mean he gets along well with everyone. He's funny. Generally one of the 'cool guys'. But the most powerful aspect is his mind. Such a stong minded person who can sum people up very quickly.
I like one of these. An interesting person to say the least. The only person to catch my attention in THREE YEARS. Why is it though that there will always be something stopping me from just wondering to actually finding out. Just my luck huh?
You've probably guessed that this is the same guy i wrote about in September. Clever clever :)
I would never tell him that it makes me smile to see him, or that i actually listen to what he has to say, or that its hard to not talk to him. I could never say that, and i probably wont cause thats just me. Unfortunately.
But like i said before, thats the wonderful thing about TIME, ill soon get over it and realise it was nothing... Time is the best sometimes...
Over and out... Im thinking to much today.. I know why! Dammit...
Ive done it AGAIN.
So its been a month and a half since i wrote again, WOW... This is the third time in a row that im apologising to my blog :( Whoopsie...
That gave me an idea about time. Time goes no where. I mean think about it, all those things that you'll say you're going to do and you dont end up doing it cos time just went so quickly and other things came up. Time is a big bitch these days. It can be a good thing too.
That guy i loved more than i ever loved any other guy in Aus, took me so much TIME to get over him. And ya if i had to see him again i probably would fall for him so easily again, but for now im strong. Id rather not see him. Its better that way.
Time, im 20 and ive seen my dad about ten times in my whole life. Time is going so quickly. I dont even know him. I dont know what his favourite colour or band or even what food he likes. I know the basic facts. Thats it, nothing more. Its sad. But i suppose thats life.
Time, ive been working with my boss for almost 2 years, where has it all gone, and i STILL havent done something about it, i definitely need to find a new job, at 20 a job shouldnt be so emotionally draining!!!!
Time, ive lost some friends over the years, maybe some were a good thing, others have just drifted with time. Some i miss more than ever. But just in the same amount of time, ive met the most amazing people.
TIME is a big issue in my life today. I need to blady well prioritise a bit more, manage my time better, get up earlier in the mornings, go for a swim or something. (Which i have started but at 6pm hehe aiming for 6am)
Time also scares me. Im getting older, so are my parents, I dont want my mom to get old. I need her in my life, i want her there more than any other person.
Dont you wish sometimes you could just freeze a moment, a moment where you laughed so much your tummy hurt, or where a complete stranger made you feel amazing, or a family moment that made your heart all warm and fuzzy. Just a moment, somewhere somehow frozen to enjoy.
Now obviously we cant do that, thats why i want save every single moment in my life. Good or bad, its a memory that i will never get back cause as soon as that time goes on thats it. Its gone...
Be thankful for the time you have, use it wisely, be happy... Live, Love and Laugh. Its the way to go :)
That gave me an idea about time. Time goes no where. I mean think about it, all those things that you'll say you're going to do and you dont end up doing it cos time just went so quickly and other things came up. Time is a big bitch these days. It can be a good thing too.
That guy i loved more than i ever loved any other guy in Aus, took me so much TIME to get over him. And ya if i had to see him again i probably would fall for him so easily again, but for now im strong. Id rather not see him. Its better that way.
Time, im 20 and ive seen my dad about ten times in my whole life. Time is going so quickly. I dont even know him. I dont know what his favourite colour or band or even what food he likes. I know the basic facts. Thats it, nothing more. Its sad. But i suppose thats life.
Time, ive been working with my boss for almost 2 years, where has it all gone, and i STILL havent done something about it, i definitely need to find a new job, at 20 a job shouldnt be so emotionally draining!!!!
Time, ive lost some friends over the years, maybe some were a good thing, others have just drifted with time. Some i miss more than ever. But just in the same amount of time, ive met the most amazing people.
TIME is a big issue in my life today. I need to blady well prioritise a bit more, manage my time better, get up earlier in the mornings, go for a swim or something. (Which i have started but at 6pm hehe aiming for 6am)
Time also scares me. Im getting older, so are my parents, I dont want my mom to get old. I need her in my life, i want her there more than any other person.
Dont you wish sometimes you could just freeze a moment, a moment where you laughed so much your tummy hurt, or where a complete stranger made you feel amazing, or a family moment that made your heart all warm and fuzzy. Just a moment, somewhere somehow frozen to enjoy.
Now obviously we cant do that, thats why i want save every single moment in my life. Good or bad, its a memory that i will never get back cause as soon as that time goes on thats it. Its gone...
Be thankful for the time you have, use it wisely, be happy... Live, Love and Laugh. Its the way to go :)
Friday, September 30, 2011
WHERE the ef have i been......
So i havent been on my blog in YEARS... ok not that long but still, im disgusted that this is the second time in a row that i have to apologise to my blog.. Ashbashlikesmash, i sincerely apologise for not blogging. I will more promise :)....
Ok so new things in my life:
Another thing... MY GOSH... I have never had this happen to me in my life before.. and everyone knows how im ANTI relationships and love and blah blah all that shit. I went somewhere sometime ago, and i saw someone (it sounds so mysterious), and i couldnt keep my eyes off that person, and i noticed that he couldnt keep his eyes off me. Not like a i want your sex type of look, like something deeper than that. Ive never had someone look so deeply into my eyes before, like he could see through me, NOW i cant stop thinking about him. I cant get him out my head, he needs to go away cause i dont like this feeling. I dont like feeling for any male whatsoever.. So here is my mental note to u dreamboy.. shhhhewww away.. please.. Leave my thoughts. And its not like hes ever going to read this. There are so many reasons why i shouldnt be thinking about him, trust me its complicated. Or know exactly what i was thinking at that time or now. But what better way to get it out then to do it on here. And by writing it, i love writing. :) ....
Ok so my new tattoo.. It says Live.Love.Laugh. after Don died, i realised that life is so short, and that in life those three little words are soooo important. So it inspired me to get the tattoo. It pretty :)
What else, hmmmm... Im happy.. Really happy... I do want to change a few things in my life, that im getting around to doing. But that will take time. Atleast they are happening. So for now, im happy. I love my life and everyone in it. I wouldnt change the amazing people for anything. Every single one of them inspire me in some way. Each and everyone of them are special in some way.
Oh well, i better get back to work now. :)
Ok so new things in my life:
- I dont know if i like bookkeeping, its boring.
- BUT i guess its a qualification.
- Im doing singing lessons now...
Another thing... MY GOSH... I have never had this happen to me in my life before.. and everyone knows how im ANTI relationships and love and blah blah all that shit. I went somewhere sometime ago, and i saw someone (it sounds so mysterious), and i couldnt keep my eyes off that person, and i noticed that he couldnt keep his eyes off me. Not like a i want your sex type of look, like something deeper than that. Ive never had someone look so deeply into my eyes before, like he could see through me, NOW i cant stop thinking about him. I cant get him out my head, he needs to go away cause i dont like this feeling. I dont like feeling for any male whatsoever.. So here is my mental note to u dreamboy.. shhhhewww away.. please.. Leave my thoughts. And its not like hes ever going to read this. There are so many reasons why i shouldnt be thinking about him, trust me its complicated. Or know exactly what i was thinking at that time or now. But what better way to get it out then to do it on here. And by writing it, i love writing. :) ....
Ok so my new tattoo.. It says Live.Love.Laugh. after Don died, i realised that life is so short, and that in life those three little words are soooo important. So it inspired me to get the tattoo. It pretty :)
What else, hmmmm... Im happy.. Really happy... I do want to change a few things in my life, that im getting around to doing. But that will take time. Atleast they are happening. So for now, im happy. I love my life and everyone in it. I wouldnt change the amazing people for anything. Every single one of them inspire me in some way. Each and everyone of them are special in some way.
Oh well, i better get back to work now. :)
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
updates.... :)
I have been so useless with my blog lately... Not cool at all... SO im apologising to my awesome most bestest blog.. Ashbashlikesmash... I will be there more promise :)
So i liked this boy recently, an actual real life boy.. hehe. But he doesnt live here :( (hope he doesnt see this). Its ok though, cause i suppose its not meant to be. I will survive, just a little..
He's awesome!! You my list i have, well he nails most of them. And just my luck to know it will NEVER work with the distance or maybe he doesnt feel the same, i dont know. But anyway, first guy ive had feelings for since my ex. Which is a step forward i suppose, but in the same breath im loving the single life. No one to answer to or impress. You just get to be you (not that im any different with a bf).
Im loving life at the moment, except i wish my daddio Peter was closer!
Im also so busy with work, i have an actual client, its awesome... Extra money, extra work.. I will get there one day. And im doing my bookkeeping course now with UNISA. Im moving up in the world kids ;) hehe...
Anyway, im drowing in work, which i have to get back to. And i need a wee, just saying...
So i liked this boy recently, an actual real life boy.. hehe. But he doesnt live here :( (hope he doesnt see this). Its ok though, cause i suppose its not meant to be. I will survive, just a little..
He's awesome!! You my list i have, well he nails most of them. And just my luck to know it will NEVER work with the distance or maybe he doesnt feel the same, i dont know. But anyway, first guy ive had feelings for since my ex. Which is a step forward i suppose, but in the same breath im loving the single life. No one to answer to or impress. You just get to be you (not that im any different with a bf).
Im loving life at the moment, except i wish my daddio Peter was closer!
Im also so busy with work, i have an actual client, its awesome... Extra money, extra work.. I will get there one day. And im doing my bookkeeping course now with UNISA. Im moving up in the world kids ;) hehe...
Anyway, im drowing in work, which i have to get back to. And i need a wee, just saying...
Monday, May 23, 2011
DON
My cousin died last year... Septemeber 24th... It killed me! I cant even explain to anyone what it felt like, that feeling of something so important being a ripped away from you and so many other people in less than a minute.. Not one day goes by where i dont think of him, or what if... He is like a brother to me, and i dont know how im going to ever get over this. I cant and i dont know how too...
I miss you Don... And if i could just hug you and tell u i love you one last time, it wouldnt even be enough... You were taken far to early, and its so hard to think about it... That phone call, exactly 3 hours before talking to you, plays over and over and over again in my head... I got to hear ur voice for the last time that day, im grateful for that... But at the same time, i wish i had a replay and a pause button...
If i could i would bring you back today... in a heartbeat. You are such a precious person, and i cant even explain to you how important you to so many people!!!!!!
I love you don...
I miss you Don... And if i could just hug you and tell u i love you one last time, it wouldnt even be enough... You were taken far to early, and its so hard to think about it... That phone call, exactly 3 hours before talking to you, plays over and over and over again in my head... I got to hear ur voice for the last time that day, im grateful for that... But at the same time, i wish i had a replay and a pause button...
If i could i would bring you back today... in a heartbeat. You are such a precious person, and i cant even explain to you how important you to so many people!!!!!!
I love you don...
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Song by Good Charlotte- Emotionaless
Hey dad
I’m writing to you
Not to tell you
That I still hate you
Just to ask you
How you feel
And how we fell apart
How this fell apart
Are you happy out there
In this great wide world
Do you think about your sons
Do you miss your little girl
When you lay your head down
How do you sleep at night
Do you even wonder if we’re alright
But we’re alright
We’re alright
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years
Learning how to survive
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive
The days I spent
So cold, so hungry
Were full of hate
I was so angry
The scars run deep inside
This tattooed body
There’s things I’ll take
To my grave
But I’m ok
I’m ok
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive
And I’m still alive
Sometimes I forget
Yeah, and this time
I’ll admit that I miss you
Said I miss you
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive
And sometimes I forget
This time I’ll admit
That I miss you
I miss you
Hey dad
I’m writing to you
Not to tell you
That I still hate you
Just to ask you
How you feel
And how we fell apart
How this fell apart
Are you happy out there
In this great wide world
Do you think about your sons
Do you miss your little girl
When you lay your head down
How do you sleep at night
Do you even wonder if we’re alright
But we’re alright
We’re alright
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years
Learning how to survive
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive
The days I spent
So cold, so hungry
Were full of hate
I was so angry
The scars run deep inside
This tattooed body
There’s things I’ll take
To my grave
But I’m ok
I’m ok
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive
And I’m still alive
Sometimes I forget
Yeah, and this time
I’ll admit that I miss you
Said I miss you
It’s been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried
You broke my mother’s heart
You broke your children for life
It’s not ok but we’re alright
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes
But those are just a long lost memory of mine
Now I’m writing just to let you know
I’m still alive
And sometimes I forget
This time I’ll admit
That I miss you
I miss you
Hey dad
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