Ive been feeling so wierd lately, like so angry with everything. I dont know why, i feel like i want to scream really loud and then punch something as hard as i can. Thats not me, im soft and cuddly and i couldnt beat up an ant if i tried. I wish i could feel like me again. As the years go by i learn more and more who i am, what pushes me, what im capable of, who i can and cannot trust and what life is about.
Love doesnt exist to me, im not looking for it, but i look at people's relationships and friendships and so on and i just dont see it, im not judging the people, more the situation. Someone who read my blog told me that im brave for putting my feelings out there :) I cant say them, but give me a pen and paper and i will let you know whats on my mind and why. Id rather make fun of myself then tell you out loud what im feeling. Silly i know.
Maybe im angry cause i heard this song the other day, ill post it on here sometime, called Emotionaless. Its about a guy whose dad walked out on him. I miss my dad. I wont lie, it sucks not being able to talk to him or share something about my day with him or for him to share something with me. Since December he hasnt spoken to me. I organised something for him for christmas i emailed him to ask for his address and since then i havent received anything from him. I hate the fact that hes there, but not there if you know what i mean... My heart hurts so much because he doesnt want to be involved in my life, and im getting over it, believe me i have come a LONG way. And it has made me tougher, but its made me write off people that dont put a 100% into things, which is bad as well cause everyone is different, everyone does things differently to the way other people do. Thats a huge lesson im learning, not to jump the gun cause i think i know what someone is feeling or thinking. WE are all different. I suppose you realise that over time and years, yes you think it, but to actually realise it and understand it, is what counts.
Wow this post is so emotional, sorry guys, im just feeling sad today and what better way to let it out on here then to bore anyone with how im feeling... Dont get me wrong, im soooo grateful for everything in my life, but you get those days :(
ok im hungry now, the grumbling of my tummy is vibrating my brain!!!! And i got so much work.. Ive stopped complaining now. Its all out.. promise.. Oh my word, im so.... no just joking, its really all out now.. Until next time hehe....
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